2009-02-14 E
"Skäms inte för att du är människa, var stolt. Inom dig öppnas valv efter valv,
du blir aldrig färdig och det är som det skall vara."
The Quote above made me think...
I was reading a random blog, and one of the readers who actually had left a comment wrote just that...
I tried to go to her page, bt it wasnt working...Duh....she had no blog.
But lets go back to that quote.
Its true.
You always develop.
You are never the same.
You should always be proud of who you are.
But that doesnt mean that everybody are.
Well especially not me.
I am defenitely not.
The human being is cruel.
We can, and sometimes do good.
But cruelness and fakeness is always luring in the back.
du blir aldrig färdig och det är som det skall vara."
The Quote above made me think...
I was reading a random blog, and one of the readers who actually had left a comment wrote just that...
I tried to go to her page, bt it wasnt working...Duh....she had no blog.
But lets go back to that quote.
Its true.
You always develop.
You are never the same.
You should always be proud of who you are.
But that doesnt mean that everybody are.
Well especially not me.
I am defenitely not.
The human being is cruel.
We can, and sometimes do good.
But cruelness and fakeness is always luring in the back.
2009-02-14 D
Happiness derives form within - at least that is where it is supposed to come from.
But do you believe it?
I dont.
I believe that happiness is the sum of how external objects and situations make you feel.
Things in your surroundings help you feel a certain way.
Whether they are good or bad.
They still affect you somehow.
Unless you're supawoman or supaman.
Believe it or not, but i used to be that one person that lit up the room wiht sunshine.
I was the sunshine.
Before i was hurt.
That was then, now is now.
Things have changed, and so have I.
But i dont want to feel this way.
I want my old self back.
But how do i go about?
I dont know...
...And no one else either...
But do you believe it?
I dont.
I believe that happiness is the sum of how external objects and situations make you feel.
Things in your surroundings help you feel a certain way.
Whether they are good or bad.
They still affect you somehow.
Unless you're supawoman or supaman.
Believe it or not, but i used to be that one person that lit up the room wiht sunshine.
I was the sunshine.
Before i was hurt.
That was then, now is now.
Things have changed, and so have I.
But i dont want to feel this way.
I want my old self back.
But how do i go about?
I dont know...
...And no one else either...
2009-02-14 C
It's hard to stop writing, especially when i feel this way.
I should have better things to do, but i really dont.
My man is busy doing what he does, and I am, as always - hating on myself.
But am i doing this for self pity?
Like what is really the reason for all of this shit?
Soon i will be the "realest" person in this damn universe and really tell yall what is on my mind.
Shits hilarious in my life right now.
No joke.
I am tired of it.
I am tired of being surrounded by a bunch of fake people.
I want to cut the lose, but how do i do that when a part of my own success depends on them?
Someone give me some damn guidience!
I should have better things to do, but i really dont.
My man is busy doing what he does, and I am, as always - hating on myself.
But am i doing this for self pity?
Like what is really the reason for all of this shit?
Soon i will be the "realest" person in this damn universe and really tell yall what is on my mind.
Shits hilarious in my life right now.
No joke.
I am tired of it.
I am tired of being surrounded by a bunch of fake people.
I want to cut the lose, but how do i do that when a part of my own success depends on them?
Someone give me some damn guidience!
2009-02-14 B
Broken Hearted Girl...
In the sofa i am sitting, staring into my computer screen.
I disappear in thoughts and i dont know what to feel.
I am loved, but do I love back?
Yes.
No.
Maybe?
Its hard for me to focus, hard for me to find any type of joy with this day.
I wish i could have a one on one with the ma upstairs.
I want to tell him how I feel.
What i go through.
But he prolly already knows.
The man aint stupid.
The man is "the man" for a reason.
Take it seriously.
But why am I sad if i am loved?
See, i dont know the answer to that question myself.
At this very moment, i am the most narrow person in the whole world.
Do i deserve to be happy?
Love = Happy.
Or?
What is the formula that i need to use in my life?
Plenty of questions, but the answers are few.
Dont know what or how to think anymore.
I think i can lose myself in my own thoughts sometime.
Is that normal?
Anywho....
I am not 1 with myself.
That can be a good answer to why i am sad aka mad.
What do you think?
In the sofa i am sitting, staring into my computer screen.
I disappear in thoughts and i dont know what to feel.
I am loved, but do I love back?
Yes.
No.
Maybe?
Its hard for me to focus, hard for me to find any type of joy with this day.
I wish i could have a one on one with the ma upstairs.
I want to tell him how I feel.
What i go through.
But he prolly already knows.
The man aint stupid.
The man is "the man" for a reason.
Take it seriously.
But why am I sad if i am loved?
See, i dont know the answer to that question myself.
At this very moment, i am the most narrow person in the whole world.
Do i deserve to be happy?
Love = Happy.
Or?
What is the formula that i need to use in my life?
Plenty of questions, but the answers are few.
Dont know what or how to think anymore.
I think i can lose myself in my own thoughts sometime.
Is that normal?
Anywho....
I am not 1 with myself.
That can be a good answer to why i am sad aka mad.
What do you think?
2009-02-14
Filled with anger, filled with hate...
This is how I feel, this is how i breathe. My heart bleeds, but there is no one to wipe it.
I am sad, yet on the verge to kill of anger.
I am controlling myself in a wierd manner.
Trapped in my own mind - no one hear my cry for help...
I am wrong.
There is ONE person who hears me scream....It's me, but I am not even trying to help.
I piss on myself, couldn't care less about what happens to me tonight.
Yes - i am selfish, but do i care?
Of course not - get a grip!
I am my own hater, shuving my mind into an empty corner - just to witness myself cry.
I am crying that damn river... So pathetic, yes i am.
This is how I feel, this is how i breathe. My heart bleeds, but there is no one to wipe it.
I am sad, yet on the verge to kill of anger.
I am controlling myself in a wierd manner.
Trapped in my own mind - no one hear my cry for help...
I am wrong.
There is ONE person who hears me scream....It's me, but I am not even trying to help.
I piss on myself, couldn't care less about what happens to me tonight.
Yes - i am selfish, but do i care?
Of course not - get a grip!
I am my own hater, shuving my mind into an empty corner - just to witness myself cry.
I am crying that damn river... So pathetic, yes i am.
